"My Grandmother" (born "none of your business") is a former American football player and player/coach.

She is best known as a long-time player for the Miami Dolphins, the team she helped acheive two Super Bowl victories, and to the National Football League's only perfect season. Granny was named 1969 & 1989 Sportsman of the Year by Sports Illustrated. She was also coronated the Belle of the Ball in 2005.

My grandmother was quite the acheiver. She played football for nearly 30 years, and raised a rather large family. In addition, she had a bit of a sordid life off the field (but what great football player doesn't?).

[edit] Biography

[edit] Personal life

Born in Lizard Lick, Nevada, Grannygraduated from Central High School then went on to star at Faber College.

Granny was married to Vernon Wormer from 1949 until she decided to sow some wild oats in 1967. Together they had seven children—all "good for nothings" according to her.

[edit] Playing career

Granny started her career during the second world war when our brave men were overseas. She figured she'd entertain those here in the states by taking up a sport. But, she couldn't play baseball, and football "looked like fun."

Her tryout with the Decatur Staleys went well, and she spent time with them in '42. Then, she was traded to the Steagles in '43 and spent 6 years there. She took a year or two off to have children, then returned to the sport she adored. She played for the Redskins and Colts for a total of 5 years, then retired.

But, then, she got the bug to play again, and had a brief stint in Green Bay under the tutelage of Lombardi. That was 1964, and little did we know her career was only half over. She was released, and decided to play in the AFL for a while. She spent time with the Chargers and then went to the Jets. She loved them when she got there. But, that showboat Joe Namath was too much for her, and now all she wanted to do was play against them.

In the 70s, she was lucky enough to be on both the Dolphins and Steelers championship teams, and no one could beat my grandmother then! She abruptly retired in 1979, only to have Shula call her during the strike in 1982 to ask if she'd like to come back. Did she ever!

Granny briefly played the other football. In 1979, at the "height of popularity" for MLS, she signed a 1-year $400,000 deal with the Minnesota Strikers. She decided that she preferred the full contact of american rules football, and returned to it in 1982.

She played on that Dolphin team, and was instrumental in helping them get to the superbowl. Her experience and leadership paid off for Shula. She stuck with the team for a couple more years, mostly as a reserve, and then retired for what, the fourth time. And then came the strike of '87. Granny was the first NFLer to cross the picket line, and again she returned to Shula's team. Again, her leadership was critical, and she says that Marino personally thanked her for helping to end the strike.

She hung around through the rest of the Shula years, but only played a little. She was more of a consultant to the team, and she'd listen to anybody. When JJ took over, he told his confidants that he couldn't possibly cut his grandmother. So, he kept a roster spot open for her.

Then, finally, in 1998, she hung them up for good. She's been enjoying life with her great grandkids, but she has the dish, and watches every game she can. And don't think for a moment that she doesn't get animated about it! .

[edit] Social Life

After she left grandpa in the dust, granny decided to allegedly make company with a number of prominent indivuduals.
Tony Randall It was the opposite of what Tony Randall had before he died. At the time, my grandmother was the older woman, and Tony was a young, unknown comic. When he took the job on *that show* with Jack Klugman, it was all over. Now, when granny sees him she's like "Hey, Tony Randall!"
JFK He got around, she got around, you knew they had to get together.
FDR. Ditto. Or at least that's what granny tells me.
George Washington Is it true? Did granny really date him? She did say he had some great choppers!
Grover Cleveland Alexander Fastballs & Screwballs
Don Shula "He needed some help"

She taught him how to do his hair.

John Tesh
She went slumming. (yeah, I didn't understand that one, either)

Gene Kelly
She taught *him* how to dance!

Marla Maples
"experimental" ... after the Donald and she broke up ...

Donald Trump
He took Merv Griffin for a ride. Granny took him for the ride of his life.
The NY Jets fun while it lasted, but ended in bitterness
Jim Kelly when he was at UM, before he became "The Enemy"..and then again, after he became The Enemy. consolation for losing all those Super Bowls
JJ Jimmy James, not Jimmy Johnson. She was the *true* Hot Lips.
Tony Blair he might lie about Iraq, but he's never lie about love!
Peter Sellers being there, doing *that*
Pierre Trudeau after the Quiet Revolution, freedom to love!
Charles Shulz He called her "Lucy" and, he let her kick the football
Tom Bosley She says she dated him after his happy days were over, and before he joined the clergy. The "C" in Mr. C stood for cool.
John Travolta but Battlefield Earth was *not* her idea
Granville "Granny" Liggins Granny and Granny were quite the item (editor's note: yeah, its obscure; that granny was a star in the CFL, he is one of the most recognized of former Toronto Argonauts in his adopted city, he is one of the nicest and most approachable as well. Liggins first showed up in Toronto following a trade with the Calgary Stampeders in 1973. Strangely enough, Liggins was on the opposite side of the ball in the 1971 Grey Cup when the Stampeders edged out Joe Theismann's Toronto Argonauts to extend the Double Blue Grey Cup drought. Liggins' career started with the Stamps in 1968 but reached its zenith when he was named an All-Star and won team MVP honours in 1976. Remember that those were some heady days for Argonauts. They consistently played in front of crowds numbering 47,000 or better.)
Pedro Martinez, followed by Grady Little. "Who's your granny?"
Joe Theismann And Joe Theisman was so good with Granny that she gave him a trophy. That's why he changed the pronunciation of his name. And something about how she was so out of this world that that Argonaut became a Grannynaut (exploring "strange new worlds").

[edit] Life After Football

Granny keeps herself busy these days by watching games on TV, attending charity golf tournaments (as we hear it "to meet the hot football players of this era"), and by teaching her great-grand-kids to play football.

Occasionally, you'll find her at a reunion. Like this one for the team that beat the Jets after the '69 Superbowl. They're telling the Jets what they think of them.